11:40

08032020

Girl (n): complicated.

ps: I don't know either I should use (I) or (We) skskks. But I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this hahahaa so yeah I'll use (We).

As a girl, I admit that sometimes (every time) we are complicated. Eh no, just - hard to understand maybe. We overthink all the time even on simple things. We worry about unnecessary things. We cry for no reason. We mad for no reason. Even sometimes we also didn't understand our own self huh. 

Okay, this is my part.

 On this day, I decided to pour all my feelings as an ordinary girl on this page.

When I was young,

I thought that this world may be so wonderful when I get older.

But things have slowly changed over the years.

The more I grew up the more I realized that adulting wasn't as easy as I thought.

It is full of challenges, frustrations, hopes, beliefs, love, hatred, insecurity, confidence and more: Yes, there's more!

One thing that I learned, people come and go. Cherish them and make memories as much as we can.

To please everyone is impossible. Do the best for your own self and follow your own will.

Sometimes, I felt like no one loves me even my parents. I felt like I'm left out for this world and no one to talk to even I know that there are a lot of people who are willing to hear me.

I swear it's hard to deal with my own feeling. I keep telling myself that everything gonna be fine but it's not at the deep of my heart.

Sometimes, I know that I'm tired but the situation keeps pushing me and I just do what I shouldn't do to protect my own self.  

I keep telling myself that I should follow my own will but at last, I failed: pity me.

[l o v e]

Loves play a big role in my life. 

 I got so much love from so many people.

Thanks to; my parents for giving me non-stop love from day 1; my friends since playschool until university life that fighting together with me; my teachers and lecturers for giving me unlimited knowledge; my fav boy for being there with me and support me.

 I don't know why I'm always feeling sad when I miss someone. I don't even know what I want and what should I do. I'm worried for no reason. Maybe because I'm still thinking and afraid of my past experience.

Okay, when it's come to relay. I really feel like hello I'm a big girl already when I keep thinking about marriage. I know that sometimes people would say it's too early to think about it. But you know what, I know that I should think about it starting from now. 

I know that marriage is not only about love and a happy life as we imagine. It full of responsibilities that we never expect of.

But as time flies, I'm working toward it. I want my relay to be blessed, I know that sometimes we had crossed the line and before things got worse that's why I always think about marriage.

I know that marriage is not as easy ABC or 123 right, and I know that boys really hard to talk about it because of a lot of responsibility and difficulty. And that's why I keep praying that God will give me the best way and guide me cause he knows who I am and what my future looks like.

However, here I am as an ordinary girl working toward it until I'm done and did it,hehe!

[ l i f e   j o u r n e y]

I wish that I will be stronger than I thought. I wish that all my dreams come true. I know there are a lot of challenges are waiting for me out there on my way to be there but as long as I have those people who always with me through thick and thin, I know that I can manage it. 

I'll graduate, make money, make my parents happy and proud of me, serve other people and having a happy family and face all the difficult things with the one that I love.

Thank god for this opportunity.

That's all, - me; an extra-ordinary girl to be :)

ps*: I took 2hours+ to write this omg